Me vs. My Brain : An ongoing civil war⚠️

 I have come to the conclusion that there are two versions of me.

There's me.👩

And then there's my brain.🧠

Unfortunately, my brain has absolutely no faith in me.😑

Whenever I try something new, my brain immediately assumes that disaster is around the corner. It doesn't matter how simple the task is.

•  Going to a new place? Dangerous.
•  Trying something new? Suspicious. 
• Existing peacefully? Highly questionable.

Take train travel, for example.

Most people see a train and think, "Nice. Transportation."

My brain sees a train and immediately starts writing a disaster screenplay.

"What if you get on the wrong train?"🫥

"What if you miss your station?"😭

"What if the train somehow ends up in another city?"🫨

"What if aliens board at the next stop?👽

At that point, I don't even know why aliens are involved, but my brain is committed to the plot.

The funny thing is that I'm an extrovert. I like people. I like conversations. I like trying new things.

Yet every time I step out of my comfort zone, my brain transforms into an overly dramatic grandmother whose only mission is to protect me from literally everything...

One day, I had to go to college alone....

Normally, I travel with friends, but on that day I had some work to do, so I had to make the trip by myself.

The moment I left home, my brain clocked in for work.

"Are we sure about this?"

"Very sure."

"Because we could still go home."

"We're already halfway to the station."

"Exactly. Plenty of time to turn around."

So throughout the entire journey, I had to keep my brain occupied.

And when I say occupied, I mean occupied.

I talk to my brain the way parents give coloring books to toddlers during long trips.😂

I'll be walking down the road and suddenly say:

( Internal thoughts)

"Oh, that's a nice outfit."

My brain immediately responds:

"Go compliment them."

And then I have to explain:

"We are currently on a mission."

"What mission?"

"College."

"Forget college. Compliment the stranger."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because we're already late."

Honestly, most of my internal conversations sound like two people sharing one badly managed customer service desk.

Sometimes I listen to music.

Sometimes I observe people.

Sometimes I start rating random buildings.

Anything to keep my brain busy.

Because the second it gets free time, it becomes creative.

Dangerously creative.☠️

A bus passes slightly too close to me?

My brain: "That was it. We almost died."

Me: "We are perfectly fine."

My brain: "But imagine the headlines."

Me: "There are no headlines."

My brain: "Yet."

This is my daily life.

A constant negotiation.

A never-ending debate.

An unofficial podcast hosted by me and my anxiety.

The worst part is that my brain disguises fear as logic.

It never says, "I'm scared."

Instead it says things like:

"We're just being realistic."

No, we're not.

We're considering the possibility of being abducted by extraterrestrials on public transport.

That's not realism.

That's creativity.

But despite all the overthinking, despite all the imaginary disasters, despite the dramatic speeches my brain gives before every new experience, I usually end up doing the thing anyway.

I take the train🚆

I go to the new place.

I start the project.

I create the space.

So maybe courage isn't about being fearless.

Maybe courage is listening to your brain scream, "Abort mission! Abort mission!" while calmly replying,

"Thank you for your feedback. We are proceeding anyway."

And honestly?

That's exactly what I plan to keep doing.🤝